I remember vividly laying in my bed grieving over the loss of my marriage and thinking to myself that I would be okay because within ten years I will definitely be remarried and in love with an entirely new man. At least this is what I thought, yet instead I would find myself entirely single fourteen years after the dissolution of my marriage and had I known this would be my fate, I think I would have lost myself into a deep sea of depression. I’m grateful I didn’t know because along my journey of searching for love, I acquired a fulfilling relationship with myself, in which I never knew to that magnitude could exist. I’m writing this article for all the women who reflect that younger version of myself in which I had thought that true fulfillment could only be acquired once I had found that special person who was able to see and celebrate who I truly was. The truth is that I discovered that most often times our relationships are only a reflection of ourselves and what we believe we deserve. I found that by looking for men to fill my voids, I only attracted men that embodied their own well of insecurities and were looking for me to give them the value that they were unable to find within themselves. This cycle began to lose its momentum only after I began to find my own self-worth independently. This journey has been a long one, yet a valuable one. The following article is the five things that I have found to be the most significant, in order to achieving optimal self-fulfillment and to potentially attract the romantic partner one deserves.
1. Find An Activity That You Feel Passionate About.
Nothing will ever make one feel more fulfilled or appear more attractive than having an activity or a passion project in which one is able to get lost in. Some of us know exactly what that interest is that makes us light up from within, that thing in which has nothing to do with anyone else but merely our own inner child’s need to play and still create well into adulthood. Unfortunately, there are many of us whom have no idea what interests us or what that thing is that will ignite us from the very depths of our being. For all of you whom relate to this, not knowing what interests you is completely normal and a great opportunity for you to not only get truly acquainted with yourself, but to assist yourself in discovering parts of you, that may never have been acknowledged or potentially were forgotten. In this journey of self-discovery I suggest that you look at yourself in a similar way as a parent would observe the needs of their child. I want you to think about how many parents sign their children up for various sports and extracurricular activities well before they are even aware of what that child’s interests are. Trying things is truly how we discover what we do and don’t like. I know it is hard to try new things as an adult, but I promise you this will not only make you mentally stronger and more confident, but it will also set you apart from a mediocre life experience. An additional benefit that having an interest you feel passionate about, beyond self-fulfillment is the fact that having interests does make one appear more attractive. Think about anytime you have seen a local band or watched someone play a sport, often times it makes that person appear more appealing than had you just bumped into them on the street. Nobody wants anyone that is looking to find their value in another person. This is desperate behavior and repels anyone who has a sense of self-worth, therefore if you are hoping to meet a worthwhile companion, developing yourself is the best way to attract somebody worthwhile.
2. Nurture and Work On Your Body.
Just about every top successor will mention the importance of taking care of one’s body, however I think the point that often gets missed is what this does for one’s mental strength and agility. Working on one’s body is one of the quickest ways to create transformation and really understand how we as human beings possess the incredible capability of creating the life experience, in which we desire. The ability to transform one’s health and the physical appearance of the human vessel shows how much control we really do have over our life and it is eventually through the act of nurturing our physical body that we often wonder what else we can transform. Another benefit to focusing on the nurturance of our body is the self-confidence and sense of pride that comes from putting time and care into one’s health and wellbeing. As you make exercise and mindful eating part of your lifestyle, your life as a result will feel much more full and in addition you will attract healthier people to engage in new experiences with.
3. Work Daily On Your Personal Development
Nothing we do in life will ever come close to the gratification we experience through the act of personal development. This is where self confidence is born and this is truly how we transform any experience we have into something greater. There are six areas of personal development, in which one can focus on. These areas include emotional, physical, spiritual, social, psychological, and professional. When embarking on one’s personal development journey, I suggest writing down a list of the things within yourself, in which you would like to improve on and then prioritize the thing about yourself that you would like to enhance the most by creating an action plan. For example, I have a client who wanted to improve her social life and decided to make an actionable plan to meet more people. She joined a pickleball club and attended that several times per week. Eventually, she increased her social circle and began to make plans and receive invitations from her teammates outside of pickleball. Another example of personal development, might be professional. Maybe you have always wanted to be a public speaker, therefore your personal development may include public speaking classes, reading books to gain additional education, and listening to audios from your favorite speakers. There is so much within one’s power to develop and transform. Just remember that self-mastery is a life long journey, and I suggest looking at it with curiosity and wonder as you observe how much you truly have the ability to expand and improve yourself.
4. Prioritize Regular Social Activities.
Having a healthy social life is a major key to experiencing contentment in regards to one’s life as a single person. If you have friends to go out to dinner with or even people you can plan major vacations with, it is difficult to feel lonely. Of course, if your desire is to meet a romantic companion, feelings of wishing you had that experience may creep in from time to time, however if you build a healthy social life, you might be amazed at how full and complete your life can feel even without the experience of a romantic relationship. I recognize that not everyone has a social circle in which they can rely on, and in that case I’d suggest working towards taking action steps to meet people. One of the best ways to expand your social life as an adult is to take a regular exercise class. Whether you choose to attend Zumba, pilates, or even a weightlifting class, engaging in an activity that you have a shared interest in with others is one of the best ways to meet people. A few years after my divorce I had began taking regular yoga classes, and it is here where I met an incredible group of friends, in which have added so much richness and value to my life. It took time to develop the bonding of these friendships, yet attending class regularly allowed me to become a familiar face, aiding people to feel more comfortable to talk to me. In fact attending any type of group activity on a regular basis is truly the best way to meet people, because straight out the gate you have found something in common with others. I know that it is easy to get in our comfort zones and stay home while watching our favorite shows, but I promise you that prioritizing regular social activities on a weekly basis has the potential not only to gift you with new friends, but also new experiences.
5. Make Time To Nourish Your Soul
Even science is beginning to acknowledge the existence of one’s spirit and although I recognize that we all have our own personal belief system in regards to the existence of one’s soul, I have found that taking time to nourish the deepest part of myself on a regular basis gives me the greatest sense of security and emotional well-being over anything else I can do. There are many ways to nurture one’s spirit, such as meditating, practicing yoga, attending a spiritual gathering with others such as church or a day retreat, praying, journaling, and honestly you can get quite creative, therefore this list could go on and on. For me personally, I believe my spirit is eternal and I connect to its existence through my belief in God. I regularly pray, meditate, and sometimes I will address my journal entries to my creator. I have received unbelievable miracles through writing down my prayers and then reciting them out loud, making my prayer somewhat of a ritual. I believe that nourishing our soul is of an incredible benefit to ourselves due to the fact that once you prioritize the well-being of your spirit, clarity often comes accompanied by a sense of peace in which we all deserve. Sometimes when we are single for a significant duration of time, we can allow ourselves to wallow and give into a victim mindset, yet I found that by believing in something greater than ourselves, we never feel completely alone. There are so many benefits to devoting time to one’s own personal version of spirituality. I recommend you experiment with thirty minutes a day of devoted time to the nurturance of your spirit, whatever that may look like.
My Hope For You.
I understand that living life as a single person can sometimes feel challenging, however I don’t believe that it has to be that way. My deepest desire for anyone struggling with feeling fulfillment as a single person, is that you recognize that you have the power to create an incredible life and the more energy you put into a life you love, the more joy and beauty you will emanate on a daily basis. There will never be another time in your life than when you are single, that you will be given such an abundance of time and energy to tend to yourself. My hope for you is that you don’t give up on love and that you keep your faith and know that it is coming. I hope you keep nurturing yourself in the same way that you would want another person to do it for you. I hope you live your life to the fullest by discovering who you truly are and find meaning in your everyday tasks because one thing is for sure, and that is that time keeps moving. You deserve to be happy, and even though life will always come with challenges, know that with willingness, we have the capability not only to change our circumstances, yet to also attract our hearts deepest desires. Keep moving forward, and enjoy this time of discovering and loving all of who you truly are.
