Starting Over After Disappointment In Love.

It is difficult to know how to reset when we experience a disappointment in our love life. One minute you are flying high on the wings of love only to abruptly be thrown off course into a crash landing without warning. This is how it felt for me when my year of romance came to an irrevocable halt. I had such high hopes for my romantic future only to find myself spending another Valentines Day reminded that I was single yet another year. I know that this shouldn’t get me down and at one point in time, it didn’t. I know that I am supposed to be grateful for the love I am surrounded by and until romantic love comes into my life I must be content with buying my own flowers.  I have read the books and listened to the podcasts, yet the relationship coaches still add no solace to my disappointment. Fortunately, I also know that I can only wallow in my self-pity for so long before I pick myself up and revive what is left of me. The following article is how I recently moved forward and reset after faced with an unanticipated disappointment in love.

 Ma’am, I’M Going To Need You To Let Go Of The Ben & Jerry’s Now

My previous year was so romantically charged that at times I thought I might overdose on the high levels of dopamine surging through my brain. Unfortunately, the opposite was felt as the romance dissipated and the neurotransmitters of serotonin and dopamine came to their own screeching halt. I felt overwhelming feelings of sadness and disappointment. Everyday expended an unbelievable amount of energy to be remotely social. I’m an active working hairstylist, which is almost entirely social. Everyday I would wake up and journal all of my sorrows. I literally gave myself a whole morning of allowing myself to be sad and then I would go to work and try to be as joyful as possible. The evenings were always a reminder of the dates and the romance that I was no longer experiencing, and I couldn’t wait to crawl under my covers and sleep away the heartbreak. Eventually, I knew I had to step away from the sad music I was listening to and crawl out of the proverbial fortress I had built as a place to feed my sorrows. I did exactly that. I released the Ben and Jerry’s that was clutched inside my death grip and decided I could not be sad any longer.

Self-Care, Baby.

The first thing I always do when I am wanting to feel better is to rev up my self-care regimen. At this particular time, I started to be more regular with my exercise routine and diet. This is always a way that I personally feel more confident and in control of my emotions. It is no secret that exercise improves brain health and it is my own personal antidote to heal any heartache or sadness that I may feel. The other thing that I do is to intentionally make an effort on my appearance. I will tell you that this is not easy when I am feeling sad. I literally have to fight the urge to show up for work in a messy bun and yoga pants. The thing is, I know that when I make the extra effort to look good, I automatically feel better. It is almost like my own reflection in the mirror is talking to me and saying, “Welcome back! We’ve been waiting for you.” I instantly feel like I can move forward and that I will truly be okay. Of course, I will still have my moments of sadness and disappointment, however those feelings are fleeting. When I intentionally implement the self-care routine as I have described above it is a for sure way to get me onto the path of feeling better.

Reunited And It Feels So Good

One of the signs of depression is that we tend to want to isolate. I am extremely guilty of this. When I am heartbroken or just not feeling my best, I inform all of my loved ones that I will be hibernating in my personal cave of solitude. I actually feel that this is an extremely healthy way to process emotions and an effective way to recharge our energy. The only issue is solitude is meant to be visited as opposed to lived in, therefore we need to know when it is time to start reconnecting with the world again. This is where I am now. I have been intentionally making plans with my family and friends. I recognize that as I have been doing this and actively engaging in the world I am returning back to a more joyful version of myself. I find myself laughing from my belly and being more present in my life. Like all of us, I am a constant work in progress and I do often feel disappointed that I haven’t found lasting love. With that said, the thing I do have is hope and a whole lot of faith. So, I keep forging on with the belief that all is as it should be and everything that is meant to be will come in its own perfect time for each and everyone of us.