.There are all sorts of things that happen in one’s mind when diagnosed with breast cancer. Of course there is the realization of our own mortality being threatened, however there are other thoughts that many people deem as unimportant in comparison to the survival of one’s life. These thoughts often include fears of losing our hair and our breasts. Of course, when diagnosed with breast cancer, we want to live, and most of us are willing to do whatever it takes to achieve this. Yet many of us ladies fear what this journey of fighting for our life will take from us. Women have been taught from an incredibly young age that much of our value comes from our appearance. From the time we are little girls, we are told how pretty and cute we are, while the boys our age are getting praised for how tough and strong they are. Most women relate to this, and when faced with breast cancer many of us are dreading the loss of not only what this will do to our appearance, but also our value. I am now at forty-two years of age and have been a survivor for ten years. Not only did I struggle with my self-worth after losing my hair and having a double mastectomy procedure, but I also struggled with being single and I wondered if men would still find me attractive. It is an extremely difficult internal experience to endure and I have a few words of encouragement for the woman who is struggling with her value before or after experiencing the consequence of breast cancer.
Hair Loss.
There is not much positive that I can say about losing one’s hair. It’s terrible and I think most of us hope that maybe we will be the exception, yet all of a sudden your hair texture changes into a frazzled mess and slowly you have clumps of hair sitting in your hands. Not only did I lose my hair, but I am a hairstylist and have had to shave other women’s hair for their own breast cancer journey. We all have a hard time with it, yet if I had to go back and experience it again I would do one single thing different. I would try to have fun with it. Back when I lost my hair, I had one style of wig and that was all I wore. I felt unattractive and I felt like people could tell. I hated it. I tried my hardest to make it look natural, yet it was an experience that I loathed every step of the way. Now, I see how many different amazing wigs that are available, and that people with hair are wearing them by choice. There are ombre’ wigs, plus trendy modern styles along with even fashion colors. If I could go back, I would rock an array of assorted wigs. This journey is a tough one, however if you are someone who is just embarking on this part and know you are going to lose your hair, I’d highly recommend researching wigs and maybe try a style that might be a little bit adventurous for you. Maybe a style that excites you. The last thought of encouragement I will say in regards to losing one’s hair, is that your hair will grow back and you will get to experience all sorts of styles through each stage of growth. Before my journey with breast cancer, I was extremely attached to my long hair and I resisted health trims, in effort to keep growing it out. I now like my hair to be healthy and although I still enjoy long hair, I’m okay with trimming my hair in order to keep it looking vibrant. I feel like after losing my hair, I am not as emotionally attached as I once was, which I think is a healthier way to be and way less stressful. I know the journey of losing one’s hair is difficult and by no means do I want to come across like I am diminishing how challenging it can feel. I just want anyone who may read this and is embarking on that journey to know that it is going to be okay and that there are things that one can do to possibly make the experience feel a little lighter.
Let’s Talk About The Boobies.
Let’s face it, our breasts are magnificent! They give nourishment to our children, they are soft and double as a pillow for our partner and our babies. Our nipple’s can be incredibly erogenous and give us additional pleasure during love making. Our breasts are feminine and can make us feel sexy, yet now breast cancer is threatening to take it all away. The doctor of course gives us choices, but they aren’t really good one’s. So, here we are faced with a decision that didn’t really feel like one. I personally chose to have a double mastectomy because I wanted to increase my chances of never going through the hellish experience of breast cancer again. I’m not certain in the moment I had made that decision, that I fully thought it through. So much was being thrown at me. We were planning chemotherapy treatments and surgeries. They asked me if I wanted reconstruction, which I did. I wanted to save my life, but I also wanted to feel as much like my natural self as possible. My surgery and reconstruction was a success. It took me some time to heal, but I did. I eventually I bounced back and returned to my life and the many activities I did pre-cancer. I definitely wrestled with my self-esteem once the dust had settled from my breast cancer journey. As I mentioned before, I was single and I knew at some point I’d like to start dating.There were a few things I did in regards to the appearance of my breasts that helped me feel as back to normal as possible. One of them being 3D nipple tattoos. I did this twice, the first time was by a lady that honestly created a one dimensional tattoo that was basically a pink circle. I was unhappy with them, therefore I ended up doing my research and later spent hundreds of more dollars for a woman who knew what she was doing. They were shaded to perfection. I really feel like it made an improvement in the way that I felt about myself and I believe that’s what truly matters. The other thing I did was, I had a doctor create a nipple out of my skin. It is not the same as the real thing, but it did make me feel that much more like the woman I used to be. We are all different, but these were a couple of things that I did that helped me.
Intimacy and Dating
After the journey is traveled and we try to go back to living our lives the best we can, we will then be faced with the aftermath. There are so many insecurities that I felt after chemotherapy was done and the surgeries were complete. Obviously, my hair would take time to grow back, so I was struggling to get comfortable with my hair being short, but then there was other insecurities I felt. One of those being intimacy and dating. As I mentioned a few time’s before, I was single at the time I went through my journey and I didn’t know what men would think of me after my double mastectomy. Other women would give me encouragement and say that the right man will love me and think that I am so strong, but really how would they know? I read a ton of breast cancer testimony’s, but I never found any that talked about being single and the fear of what that will look like once you are intimate with someone. So, hopefully this article attracts the right woman and I can help someone that may have these same fears. I will say I am not a promiscuous person, therefore I don’t have a ton of experience with being intimate since breast cancer, however I have had a couple of serious relationships in the past ten years that I have acquired some knowledge from. The men I am referring to were attractive men that did not need to settle. These men had no problem with my breasts and truly it was not an issue for them, at all. It was more an issue for me that I had to get over. I heard this story once, from one of my clients where she had said that her cousin whom had a double mastectomy would not allow her husband to touch her breasts during love making. She wanted her new breasts completely ignored because to her they were no longer sexual. I totally understand this, however I felt like I needed to feel that I was still sexy and feminine when it came to intimacy with my partner. I wanted to feel like a desirable woman and I can tell you that is exactly what I received. Here’s my advice, be picky with who you choose to be intimate with. It’s incredibly vulnerable to allow someone to see your naked body in general, let alone after a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. Pick someone that is truly worthy of this. I will say, most men are not as critical as we are of ourselves. I know your new body will take some getting used to, however my advice is to embrace it. I have found that it is much better just to love and accept your new boobs just as they are. Take your time with picking partners, allow a potential mate to show you he is worthy before becoming intimate. Just remember you are valuable and so strong for enduring all that you have been through. Only allow people into your life that are truly deserving and you will be amazed how quickly any apprehension will simply fade away.
