5 For Sure Ways to Grow Your Self-Confidence

Lacking self-confidence can be one of the biggest detriments to our overall life experience. Often times we will hold ourselves back from the things in which we want to accomplish, merely because we don’t deem ourselves as worthy. There are many reasons why one might acquire low self-esteem, however one common reason may include growing up in a home that lacked the nurturance in which supported one’s awareness of worthiness and value. Due to this, most people who have experienced a lack of nurturance function from a place of insecurity, in which also may propel their early childhood peers to sense this and then reject them. When we face rejection or abandonment from our caregivers and peers in our early adolescent years, I believe we are receiving a message that we are not good enough as we are. This was definitely the case for me and I would go on to marry at only twenty years old seeking validation of worthiness from my partner. It was only when my marriage ended that I went on a quest to acquire this validation from myself. The following article is what I learned in regards to obtaining the self-confidence and sense of worthiness I had craved since very early on in my youth.

Learn to Only Allow Experiences and People into Your Life That Are Nourishing.

I don’t think that many people consciously think about the simple fact that many of the choices we make either adds or subtracts from the way that we feel. Often times we only make changes when we find that our emotions are overwhelming and can no longer be dismissed. During the years before I truly began to experience the rise of my own self-worth, I rarely gave much thought about who I spent my time with and what experiences I said yes to. It was only after surviving breast cancer at age thirty-three that I made the decision to live my life more intentionally. I will tell you that, not only does this action raise your self-esteem, but it will also make you a much happier person. By being intentional with the people and experiences that you are engaging with, you are actually giving yourself the nurturance that may have been lacking in earlier years. Imagine you are a small child and how it would feel to express your needs to a caregiver and then experiencing them not only intently listening but also following through with action in which honored what you were needing. I think it almost goes without saying, that you’d feel pretty good! This is what you are doing for yourself, when you are being intentional with your choices and honoring your own needs. The more you do this, you will begin to expect others to nourish you the way that you have now learned to nourish yourself, and when they don’t, it will feel extremely uncomfortable.  You will now have created a new normal for yourself and an increased self-worth that will have a higher standard for what is acceptable.

Make a Lifestyle Out of Nurturing your Body.

Taking care of one’s body as a lifestyle as opposed to a desperate attempt to fit into a dress for a particular event or vacation, will change your life. This one action has increased my own self-confidence dramatically. Up until my mid-thirties, my weight fluctuated quite a bit. It truly wasn’t until I stopped participating in fad diets and started exercising as part of a lifestyle that everything began to change. For me, my weight used to be a challenge to maintain. Like many people, I would starve myself on a particular crash diet, manage to lose weight, and then gain it back once I tried to go back to obtaining a normal life. I would temporarily feel great about myself during those times I had lost the weight, yet as soon as I gained the weight I would feel like a complete failure, which only confirmed my feelings of unworthiness. This only changed when loving myself enough to take care of my body on a regular basis became a priority. I must make note that this can look differently based on the day and what I feel my body needs. For example, when it comes to exercise, I intentionally move my body six days a week, however sometimes that entails me weightlifting at the gym along with a little cardio on the treadmill, and sometimes I feel like I need something more nourishing, therefore I will take a long walk in my neighborhood. The way I eat varies as well. For example, I know that in order to lose weight without completely starving, I need to consume 1800-1900 calories per day, therefore I will track my food most days of the week, however I will give myself one or potentially two days where I don’t track just to allow myself to enjoy life and not obsess about calories. I do not look at these days as an excuse to binge, however I will allow myself treats, like a yummy coffee or even an indulgent dinner with friends. I found that allowing myself those treats, makes me feel like I am never truly deprived and keeps me in a positive mindset in regards to my body. I will make mention that I have definitely had moments where I was sad or even on my period and definitely gave into old patterns of emotionally eating, however because I have developed a pretty solid lifestyle of nourishing my body, I am able to return to healthy routines quite quickly. This daily effort towards nourishing my body not only makes me feel accomplished, yet also really proud of myself, which in turn, has increased my self-confidence more than I would have ever imagined. 

 Create A Daily Self-Care Routine.

Creating a daily routine geared towards nurturing yourself will be an absolute game changer. I personally prefer setting intentional time in the mornings before anything or anyone else needs my attention, however I don’t think the time of day matters as long as you are able to commit to your self-care routine as if it were a job or a really important appointment. I think it is also important to mention that self-care can vary in accordance to what you are needing. Personally, my routine consists of journaling, spiritual time, exercise, and enough time for me to do my full makeup and hair. I do get ready with my makeup and hair fixed just about every day, because it makes me feel good. Your self-care routine should assist in elevating the way you feel emotionally and physically. When beginning a self-care routine, I recommend that you create a plan the day before. Begin, creating a schedule allotted for this time of self-nourishment and the actions that you plan on taking. I feel strongly that if you make time to nourish what you’re needing emotionally, physically and spiritually, you will eventually feel more confident and overall less stressed. 

 Dress Accordingly to How You Want to Feel.

There is power in how you visually present yourself. Not just in the way others will perceive you, but specifically in how you view yourself. Think about a simple outing, such as going to the grocery store and how you might dress for the occasion. It would be incredibly easy to throw on some yoga pants and a sweatshirt accompanied with a ball cap and be on your way, however you may find that the way you interact with the world once you are there is impacted by the way that you perceive yourself to look. Many people, when in public, that have made a minimal effort in their appearance, tend to avoid eye-contact and smiling. The opposite is true for people whom make an intentional effort to look good. People that feel good about the way that they look tend to want to engage with the world more socially and experience more joy during those times than they do when they don’t feel the best about their appearance. Think about how you felt during a time when you were going out with friends or attending a special event. If you are like most people, you felt significantly better and more confident than usual. I see this all the time as a hairstylist. I will have a client in my chair and once their hair is done, they want to find something to do, so that they can be seen! Just like magic, their demeanor shifts and they leave the salon accompanied with a big smile and what looks like an overall new sense of purpose. I know that sometimes it feels like it can take so much time in order to make a full effort in looking good each day, however I swear it will change your mood, open your energy up, and attract more positive and social experiences. I personally, look at it as a form of loving myself. We are all worthy of feeling confident and good in our skin, no matter what sort of package we come in. I highly recommend taking those extra steps to get ready for the day, and then take note of how it made you feel. I am pretty certain, to some degree you will feel significantly more confident

Learn to Express Your True Opinion, Wants, and Needs.

Learning to express your true desires and feelings is the ultimate, power move, yet it does not always feel so easy to do. Many of us who have struggled with low self-esteem tend to default towards people pleasing. In the moment meeting someone else’s needs might give one praise resulting in a sense of worthiness. This sense of value is only temporary, if it does not honor one’s own personal needs as well. It was actually a girlfriend of mine that initially inspired me to make expressing my true opinion a new normal for me. As someone who has always had extremely social jobs, I have always had a lot of social invitations offered to me, however I am an introvert and require time alone in order to recharge. I used to find myself telling little white lies in effort to not hurt peoples feelings, when I would decline their invitations to hang out. It was my friend Erin, who changed this for me completely. I had actually extended my own invite to Erin to an event that she had no interest in attending and she simply responded with, “No. I’m not feeling it. I’ll have to pass.” That was it. She didn’t feel the need to give any more of an excuse than the fact that she simply didn’t have an interest in going. I remember conciously being aware of the fact that I respected her for not making up an excuse and just being unapo;ogetically truthful. In this moment I perceived her to be emotionally strong and I desired to be like that too. I made a conscious decision to practice expressomg my truth and disregard any temptation to make excuses as to why I didn’t want to do something. The more I practice this, the more I feel less of a need to justify my feelings to anyone other than myself. I believe it is good to love others and care for them the way we would want to be cared for ourselves, yet we won’t be able to show up to our fullest capacity without meeting our own needs first. I promise that if you practice expressing and honoring your needs, not only will you feel more confident, but others will perceive you to have an emotional strength that is to be admired. Remember that honoring your own needs is a practice. It is the ultimate form of loving oneself. Life does not always give us the nurturance we desire from others, however we are always in control of how well we take care of ourselves. The more we fill ourselves with the nurturance in which we need, the more sense of accomplishment and self-confidence we will experience. Don’t ever be afraid to honor yourself, because the truth is, you are so unbelievably worth it.