3 Lessons I Learned From Being Left For Another Woman.

There is no betrayal that cuts at our self-esteem quite like being left for someone else. We are simultaneously forced to experience rejection along with feelings of insecurity that someone else was preferred over us. This is an incredibly painful experience that I wouldn’t wish anyone to endure. I personally have not only overcame being left for another woman, but I have also found a sense of gratitude for the experience. Obviously, the gratitude came much later on, therefore if you are currently going through such a heart-wrenching experience and are in the anger stage right now, just be there. Everything is going to be okay. The following article is the three most important lessons I learned from my husband leaving me for another woman. 

Don’t Ever Fight To Keep A Man.

Many of us go through a period of wanting to prove to the man that is leaving for another woman, that we are the better choice. I think any time there is a third party present, it can trigger a sense of competition within us. I remember vividly calling my mother after my husband had informed me that he didn’t want to be married anymore, and it was she that gave the best advice that I wish would’ve listened to. She said simply and matter of factly, “let him go.” Unfortunately, I didn’t listen. My husband and I shared children together, therefore there was plenty of opportunity to make him regret losing me. At least this is what I thought at the time. It was an unhealthy mindset to have, but honestly I was hurting and I didn’t know how to put myself back together. I remember changing my hair, losing weight, and honestly dressing way too provocatively. Obviously my self-esteem was rocked and I think I was scrambling to find any thread that would potentially sew the hole inside me, back into one piece. If I could go back, I can tell you with certainty, that I would have listened to my mother. I would have let him go. I fought so hard to make him regret losing me, yet he was still a man that didn’t value me the way that I deserved. I now know at almost fifteen years since this painful event occurred, a man that will not fight to keep the woman he supposedly loves is not a man any woman should waste any ounce of her precious time loving. Let him go. He does not deserve your love and I promise there is no better revenge than doing good. Go get your hair done, work on yourself, and rebuild your self-confidence. Take the time to heal and when you are ready, find a man that will never put you through this sort of pain again. This is what you deserve, and I promise nothing like you flourishing will make him regret his decision more

You Are Enough.

It is natural for a lot of women to go through a stage of feeling less than whole. A feeling of shame can creep in when reflecting on places where we weren’t perceived to be enough, resulting in our partner choosing to be with someone else. I have heard so many stories from women who have said that their husbands blamed them for not taking care of themselves when they were married and that part of the reason their partner left was because of this. There is unfortunately another piece that rarely gets discussed which is that usually prior to the man leaving, the woman starts to feel neglected. Women are emotionally driven, and in most cases when we feel neglected, our emotions can lead us to act out in various ways. Some of those ways can be eating more or drinking alcohol, because you are subconsciously trying to self soothe. Over time the woman might gain weight as a result of this behavior and then miraculously after the man is gone, she loses her weight and begins to have the will to take care of herself again. I once attended a bridal shower shortly after going through a break-up and the soon to be bride, asked me how I was doing. I smiled at her and simply stated that, “I do single well.” What I meant by that statement was that every time I depart a relationship that wasn’t nourishing to me, I have the space to begin to nurture myself. Even if at first I may feel a little broken hearted, I eventually begin to look better and feel better because I am giving myself the nurturance I deserve. It is important to realize that although it may appear that you are being left for someone else, there were many pieces that lead up to this experience and none of those pieces were any reflection of your own value or worth. 

His Leaving You Is A Gift.

It takes time to see the gift in the experience of one’s partner leaving for someone else, but I can tell you with surety it is. Obviously, it is not difficult to see that any person who leaves for someone else had to be somewhat open to the idea while they were in union. I mean, no one lands into someone else’s bed by accident. To some degree, the third party was welcomed. I didn’t see it at the time, but my husband gave me the gift of a new beginning. This new beginning would allow me to reflect on my part in things. I went on a major self-discovery and self-healing journey that completely transformed me from the inside out. As a result of this personal transformation, I began to attract a different class of men. It appeared the more that I healed, the more high value the men I chose to date had become. The other gift that came from the new beginning my ex-husband had bestowed upon me was the amazing life I was able to create. I attracted new friends that inspired me and even assisted me in getting to know myself better. I had the time and the space for a complete do-over. We get to choose to use our painful experiences as a catalyst for our betterment or to be swallowed whole by a victimized mindset. I will tell you that initially I wanted to feel sorry myself and I did a lot of self-destructive things before I began to heal. I rebounded into a toxic relationship, I smoked cigarettes for a year, and I drank too much until the mess that had became my life was too much to bear. Once I began to accept what my husband did as the gift that it was, everything improved tremendously. I’m not saying my life is completely perfect now, but I can say I live authentically. Everything I do and say aligns with who I truly am, therefore I would be quick to exit any partnership that did not value that. If I could suggest one piece of guidance to anyone experiencing their partner leaving for another, it would be to accept the gift. You may need some time to allow yourself to cry and grieve the loss, which is healing in its own right. I just suggest that once you are ready to move forward, look at it as your second chance. You deserve a life and a partner to which will ignite joy. Don’t be afraid to go after all that you deserve. Cheers to your new beginning.